at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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