I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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