There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
