he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
