420 ftw
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
