Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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