all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
