Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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