So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
