Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
