we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
