id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
