He kissed a someone with a penis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Shame - the story of my life.
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