Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
