I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
