and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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