even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
