You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
