You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
