The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hippo gnu deer
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
