I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
