I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
