peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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