So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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