girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
