I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
