he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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