Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize