oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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