next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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