so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sober January is a disaster.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
