Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
