is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
