i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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