When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
