her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
