Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
