me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
