I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
