you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he shaved USA in his pubs
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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