I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
