no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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