So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
