I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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