Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
