So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sex in a hospital.. check
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
