the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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