I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
