I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize