My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
