Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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