Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
