Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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