so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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