Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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