I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
