It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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