The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
