I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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