the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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