i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
