Umm I'm too high to move.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
