Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize