O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
