Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
