If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
