And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
