It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
