From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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