I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize