If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
